How to Handle Criticism as a Leader: 3 Ways to React

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again…my love language is Words of Affirmation. That simply means what you say to me matters. If you tell me I’m doing a great job, it’s like handing me a $100 bill. It fills me up for hours. But, the flip side is also true. If you tell me I messed up, I’m instantly defeated. My day is ruined. I might as well go back to bed and start over.

Years ago, when I was just getting started as a writer, I began submitting guest articles to other blogs and magazines. Some got published. Some didn’t. One magazine turned down my first article, then gave me a topic to write about instead. I wrote it, sent it in and never heard back. When the issue came out, there was an article on the exact topic they’d given me…written by someone else. Ouch.

If you’re like me, you know criticism comes often. As a leader, I hear criticism. As a pastor, I hear criticism. As a husband and a father, I hear criticism. As a writer, I hear criticism. And, not all criticism is bad. Some of it is necessary, and some of it is really helpful. The key is how we choose to react. Here are 3 ways you can react to criticism:

3 Ways to React to Criticism

1. Curse it.

You can get angry and maybe even confront the person criticizing you. This usually happens when criticism crosses the line into a personal attack – something like “you’re a bad person” or “you never do anything right.” It can also happen after a long day or week when you’re worn down. There may be a place for this, but it very rarely turns out well, and it opens you up to even more criticism.

2. Ignore it.

This is when you hear it and move on. You don’t get angry, you don’t act on it, you don’t let it affect you. This usually comes after you’ve considered who is giving the criticism and decided they don’t have the expertise or position for it to carry weight. There’s definitely a place for ignoring criticism. If you react to ALL of it, you’ll go crazy and become a slave to it. But, ignoring criticism takes skill. You have to know who to listen to and who not to. I’ve ignored the wrong people plenty of times, and it ended up hurting me…and them.

3. Use it.

Most of the criticism we receive, especially from people who love us, is meant to help. Even when it isn’t delivered well, the person is usually trying to help you get better. It will probably sting at first. But, it’s important to find the part that will help you do and be better.

I’ll also admit my reactions often include more than one of these. I may curse it first (and the person), then use it once I calm down. Or, I may start using it, only to realize I should have ignored it. At the end of the day, it’s up to you to choose how you’ll react.

Quick Answers

How do you know if criticism is valid? Ask: Does this person care about me or the mission? Do they have the expertise to judge? Have I heard this from more than one person? If the answer is yes, it’s probably worth using.

How do you respond to criticism in the moment? Take a breath, say “thank you, let me think about that,” and give yourself time before you respond.

Want more? Read how to turn your biggest critic into your biggest fan. How do you handle criticism? Can you tell when to curse it, ignore it or use it? What would you add to this list? Comment below…